Posted: October 31, 2014 in Don't Shit Where You Eat!, Toiletainment!


I mean, that alone should make your mouth water and/or arise some sort of chuckle because you’re a 13 year old boy that thinks he’s the first person to make the connection that sausages are phallic shaped. Either way, we cannot deny that sausages have been/are/will be part of everyone’s life at one point or another. We’ve all been to a sausage fest after all. at one point or another in our lives.

Sausage Fest in a jacuzi! (sexiness. too bad you can't see it!)

The bad kind of sausage fest



The good kind of sausage fest!

Now that we’ve covered our bases on the good and the bad kind of sausage, it’s time to turn our attention to the new, third kind of sausage that would make most of us cringe, the UGLY!

ENTER: the pooperoni

No, that’s not a lame pun. No, it’s not a spelling mistake. You heard me. Pooperoni. After all, this is a blog about toilets, why else would I include sausage?
Scientists have created a new and exciting kind of sausage. A healthy sausage that would add to your intestine’s natural flora. In layman’s terms, It adds bacteria to help you poop better. You might’ve seen ads about “Probiotic yogurt” that help you take a dump, that’s basically the same thing but in sausage form. Normally, for a rapid bowel movement, you’d opt for super spicy, preferably badly preserved sausage, and have the most explosive bowel movement of your life, but that isn’t what science is here to do.

you do not want to see this. trust me

Not as happy an ending as this one. no green meadows, only the brown shit.


So, what the good researchers at Catalonia’s Institute of Food and Agricultural Research decided to do, is to make your sausage using a very special ingredient, extracted from the most remote places that humans have dared to explore. So demanding was their search, that they ended up searching where the sun don’t shine, and from within the darkness, they found the answer, all of that to make your bowel movements that much easier. (To my lebanese readers, Imagine zein al atet’s ad, only even more extreme. To my non- lebanese readers, see video below for reference.)


However, the true source of this magical ingredient isn’t some amazonian plant. It’s extracted from this BEAST!!!


STARE INTO THE EYES OF…. Wait what? That’s a baby! Where’s the monster?


That’s right. Babies.

Wait no, no no no no no… Don’t call the cops!!! IT ISN’T MADE OF BABIES! It’s made using baby poop. Ok granted that doesn’t sound much better, but it really is good for you. The way it works is bacteria! Baby poop has bacteria that is proven to give a nice little boost to the health of your intestine by adding probiotic bacteria. The good kind of bacteria. The kind that breaks down your food and helps unconstipate you. So, instead of making sausage the traditional way using raw meat bacteria, we replace that with baby poo bacteria. It’s cuter, cuz you know… babies! Word on the street is that this sausage dosen’t taste half bad either!!

Would I try it? I don’t know. Probably, only because those buggers are so damn cute I don’t want to put them out of business.


For any comments or suggestions, send a mail to the Janitor in Chief at: thepublictoilet@hotmail.com


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