In Memoriam: An Unsung Hero

Posted: May 9, 2013 in Toiletainment!

Special commendation is deserved for all and any who helped destroy the Nazi scum back in the day. This article is written to commemorate one unsung hero, sitting deep in the cold embrace of the North Sea’s bosom. One lone rogue, tired of taking shit from all those damn Nazis, so one day, it decided to revolt.

This is the story of one toilet that infiltrated behind enemy lines, and caused the sinking of a German submarine. This is a story of a hero. This is the story of the toilet of U-1206…

Our hero’s body lies resting within this vessel. May the Lord shine his light upon him!

Here’s how the story goes:

The U-1206 was a state of the art German U-Boat that was striking fear and terror off the coast of Scotland. Now a part of the boat’s state of the art-ness was its new deepwater high-pressure heads which allowed them to be used while running at depth. Flushing these facilities was extremely complicated and special technicians were trained to operate them. How much more advanced can you get, flushing a toilet while deep underwater?! Though I must admit, a technician employed solely for the purpose of flushing toilets is kind of a sweet job.

(WARNING: Let the following  be a lesson to all scientists out there NOT to play God. Man was never meant to flush a toilet so deep underwater…)

Official report (By official I mean I got it off Wikipedia):

“On April 14, 1945, 8 miles (13 km) off Peterhead, Scotland, while cruising at a depth of 200 feet (61 m), misuse of the new head caused large amounts of water to flood the boat. […] The leak flooded the submarine’s batteries (located beneath the toilet) causing them to release chlorine gas, leaving him with no alternative but to surface. Once surfaced, U-1206 was discovered and bombed by British patrols, forcing Schlitt to sink his own submarine”

God bless you, brave soldier!

The brave little ceramic warrior forced the German captain to sink his own ship… THE SHAME!
And so, I thereby bestow upon that toilet, the WWII Medal of honor! (or an E-Version of that)

Congratulations old friend… you deserve it!

 


Send a mail to the Janitor in Chief at: thepublictoilet@hotmail.com

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